i guess i shouldn't find it surprising but i do- that people who spend their days around you either care not to or just don't realize/ascertain/notice that you are flirting with self-annihilation. that you are so depressed your chest hurts and breathing is work. that the day seems better to you if you weren't*there* anymore.

either i cover it up and hide it too well. or they are too uncomfortable to say anything because really- what could/would they say? or they don't care.

and how can you expect them to?

i shouldn't.

people have enough of their own shit to do. their lives. cell phone bills. text messages. facebook accounts. tweets to post. meetings to make. emails to send. dry cleaning to pick up. kids to drop off. movies to watch. dinners to make. men and women to take out on dates. funerals to go to. shoes to get repaired. DVR's to set. money to make. money to spend. sex to have. showers. teeth to brush. traffic to avoid. groceries to buy. lists to make. lists to check. lists to throw away for new lists to be made. cigarettes to smoke. phones to answer. ipods to shuffle and arrange. witty jokes to make. stories to tell that prove they are interesting. anecdotes to relive that prove they aren't boring. a life to live to prove they are successful, adjusted, happy and accepted.

am i that much of a mix of ego-driven and pathetic that it hurts that people don't notice given all of that and more. maybe i am. doesn't make it hurt less.