i'm physically depressed. it isnt in my head right now. it's my body. i hate the way it feels in me. it feels like a singularity sucking me inside out.
and i have no reason to be today. it's been a *good* day. nothing has gone wrong. but it's been creeping up on me for hours and nothing has kept it at bay or stopped it in its tracks.
this is the first time it's happened in the week and a half since the the doc put me on happy-pills.
that upsets me more.
being crushed by something i can't see and can't stop. being held down by some immense, ephemeral force that is so massive holding my head up at my desk feels like lifting a car. a cold, radiating ache in the middle of my chest that creeps out in waves, eroding my sense of self. makes me want to hurt to stop being numb. how cliched is that? so fucking trite and pedestrian.
